Your Career: Making A Graceful Exit,"
by Susan Dunn
http://www.susandunn.cc
Know this scenario? You had another impossible day at
work, you've just told a friend about it, you finish by saying,
"What should I do?" and your friend shrugs and say, "Get
your resume ready".
Many of us have a hard time accepting the fact that it's
time to get the resume ready, but when that time comes, and
you know it, give it a good finish.
When we start a new job or a new relationship, we put our
best foot forward, we give it our best shot, we're full of
enthusiasm and inspiration. But what about when we want
out? It's just as important to end things well as it is to
begin them well.
Let's say you have a job you can't stand but you need to
stay there for a while, for whatever reason. How can you
manage each day so you don't sabotage yourself by poor work
performance and/or alienate people whose goodwill you'll
need later for references? Your attitude is going to be
crucial at such a time because you want to make what I call
"a graceful exit." This means managing your emotions.
What can you do?
1. Understand your emotions and manage your reactions. It
goes without saying that the whole thing can put you in a
bad mood, but if you approach your day that way, it's going
to make a bad situation worse. Spend your time collecting
yourself in the morning, allowing extra time for this if
necessary. Eliminate as many sources of stress as you can
(get up earlier, shift a chore to your partner) and have
yourself collected before you arrive at your desk. Don't
dwell on what you hate. Focus on something positive, or,
if you can't get there, on something neutral.
2. Find a good listener. If you can ventilate about what's
going on, it can help you manage your attitude when you're
at work. Your partner or your mother may not be the best
choice for this. They aren't objective. If they sympathize
with you, they'll be emphasizing what's bad and that's not
what you need. If they don't sympathize with you, and say
things like, "Well, life is tough," or "Quit talking about
it and DO something about it," this will escalate your
sense of frustration. Coaches are a good
resource at such a time because they're objective and
trained in this area.
3. Realize it's temporary. It's just a stop along the
road, so make plans for the future, and conduct yourself
in such a way you make your future possible. Keep doing
your job well. Don't throw the towel in until you walk
out the door, or it may not be your choice when and
how you walk out that door. You want the control to
remain in your own hands. Furthermore, doing your job
will add to your self-esteem at this time, and you need
that.
4. Cushion the bad by adding more good. Your job
isn't your whole life. There are other hours in the day.
Add more to your outside life to make it up to yourself.
Whatever adds pleasure to your life, and a lot of small
things are as good as one big thing. If you can't take a
cruise to the Bahamas, you can get a massage, visit
friends, play with the dog, buy a new outfit, or take a
brisk walk in the sunshine. Actually this is a great
time to work on your "self." Many people use this
time to shape up - losing weight, working out, focusing
on something they can do something about. One client
of mine temporarily in a dismal situation, managed to
lose 40 lbs. You can bet she had something wonderful to
look forward to every day as she watched the needle on
the scale descend!
5. Manage both your thinking and your feeling. Don't think
too much, as in ruminate; and don't let your feelings run
away with you. If you arrived at this point, chances are
you've thought it through enough. There's no sense going
around in circles. If there were a solution there, you
would've found it. If it's something about the work
itself, that's not going to change. If it's some personality
conflict with a person, the person isn't going to go away,
and you've already tried everything you now how to do.
There's nothing new to add to the equation, no "answer,"
so it's time to move on. Let your thoughts move on as well.
6. Prepare. You will be leaving, so do a good job daily,
but look ahead. Make a plan. Get your resume ready. Start
discretely telling people on the outside who can help you
that you're looking for another job, read the want ads, and
take action. Register with an employment agency or
headhunter.
7. The balance. It's possible to handle this difficult
juggling act well - of wanting to leave, but being
determined to do it right. I have a client who has a
difficult position in a corporation that's failing, who has
endured a long line of changing management, who has
nevertheless conducted himself in such a way, while looking
for alternative employment, that he's been promoted twice
while this was going on. This is a model to aim for.
One of the things he does is maintain an active interest
in his family, and in his own meaningful volunteer work.
8. Hold your tongue. Other people may like it there.
Others dislike it but need to stay for their own reasons.
It's never a good idea to engage in negative talk and office
gossip, and especially not now. Detach yourself from the
complaints of others. After all, they're stuck there and
you're going to be doing something about it, so limit your
participation in these discussions. Say neutral or positive
things, or send it back to the owner of the statement. For
instance, if someone say, "This department's never going
to get anywhere as long as XX is in charge," you could
respond, "I know you're having a hard time with that right
now." 9. The future is related to the present and the past.
You're going to need references. You're going to need
the goodwill of these people. Therefore, don't burn any
bridges. Keep your relationships civil with everyone.
Limit what you say about them to people on the outside.
It's a small world, and you know, from listening to others,
that it's very hard not to hear a little "sour grapes" in
anyone's discussion of problems at work.
10. Outlast it. YOU are the constant in the equation of
your life. You'll get through this just as you have
difficult things in the past. You will move on to other
things. Keep your face turned toward the sun, making the
best of each day that you can and doing good work. This
will make you feel better for now, and will benefit you in
the future, and that's what's important, isn't it?
One last tip in reference to time. Spend as little time
there as you possibly can. Be sure and get out for lunch
every day.
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